Straight Out of the Mouths of Teenage Boys

Ever wonder what teenage boys REALLY think about reading and books containing romance? Check out my guest author blog on Tina's Fantastic Book Review website where I address and quote some of the very cool teenage boys in my life.

Don't forget to leave your comments at the bottom of the guest post on Tina's site!

http://fantasticbookreview.blogspot.com/2009/11/guest-post-krissi-dallas-backstage-pass.html

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do (Unless You're In 8th Grade)

This post will feature the confessions of a certain entertaining group of 8th graders I have the privilege of teaching this year. THE ASSIGNMENT: Write 2 letters breaking up with your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Use the same reasons for breaking up in both letters but change your diction and style so that each letter reveals opposite tones. THE RESULT: Hilarity.

My students have given me permission to share some snippets from their writing and I will preface it by saying I learned two things. One, they all took this as an opportunity to say the completely psychotic and ridiculous things they would never say in real life. Two, I learned that most boys "broke up" with their fictional girlfriends for being annoying and suffocating, while girls "broke up" with their fake boyfriends for cheating - usually with best friends. I mean, could we BE any more stereotypical in middle school?!

So here they are... the best snippets of the 8th Grade Break-Up Letters... (Girls are in purple, boys in blue.)

"Dear Jack, Although we have been together for a long time, I think it is time we break up. I wanted to let you know that it's not me... it's YOU." -Jessica

"You are a worthless, good-for-nothing midget. I will always remember AND REGRET this dreadful time we had together." -Tyler

[Addressed to Meagan Fox] "My tall, beautiful goddess, you are a very special woman and did I mention you were beautiful?? But this long-distance relationship is not working out. I cannot physically touch you and feel your emotion over the phone." -Kolyn (Yes, he went there! I about died.)

"Being unable to see your face everyday will put a bullet in my heart. I love your personality, but I had no idea who you became when you were around your friends." -Caleb

"I feel like what we had is no more - we are two different people. I definitely didn't feel a connection to you when you dumped soda on my lap because you were staring at the girl at the movie theater so hard that you missed your mouth." -Jocey

"You're a nice guy and all, but you're a pig. When we go out, you eat all of my food and don't even pay for it. I'm broke because of you!" -Cynthia

"Dear Boxxy, why do you talk so much? Your opinion is somewhat annoying and rarely wanted. Also, for whatever reason, you have a smell about you, and it is, in one word: BAD." -Jonathan

"You know what hurts the most, Buttface?! YOU STOOD ME UP AT PROM! You stood me up so you could eat taquitos with your grandma. Well, you know what? I'm done. DONE! We are OVER." -Chloe

"I wish you wouldn't be so jealous... like at the movies when the girl handed me my popcorn? You flipped her on the counter and poured salt in her eyes. That made two restraining orders in one day. This is why I think we should 'take a break' and this is also why I'm moving to Istanbul, Turkey." -Josh

"There is no way it would work in a million years between us. I hope I forget you." -Mitchell

"Dear Antonio, what the french toast is UP with your FACE?!" -Amy

"When you run for Student Council, I am going to make a pinata of your face and beat it with a wooden bat." -Sebastian

"I really hope we can stay friends. It would mean a lot if we did... after all, my pet fish just died. Poor Mr. Whiskers! Well, I have to go have a funeral now." -Kearby

"I have been secretly planning to push you off a building for the past 8 months, but I didn't do it ONLY because I don't want to go to jail because of you." -Nina (This is one of my sweetest, quietest girls in class - again, I almost died!!)

"I feel no hope in resolving our issues. There is no solution to your stupidity that involves ME with YOU." -Shay

"I know we have been together for three months now, but I can't go any further. It is too stressful having to worry all the time about whether or not you're okay." -Jacobie

"You cheated on me with Makenna, Lexi, and worst of all, MALLORY! You know I hate her - why would you even go there?!" -Savannah

"Dear Cinderella, I saw you cheating with Romeo. Almost two days ago, Juliet send me a letter saying that you two were going to dump us on the same day. I just want you to know that you really hurt my feelings." -David (Prince Charming?)

"We are over, you insolent little petty smushed fly on someone's window! Yeah, you must have thought that little benevolent Bethany was at home knitting a dress while you were out with some tight-skirted, cheaply-lipsticked, high-heeled, IQ-of-2, giggly, little, clueless, moronic idiot of a girl date. Well you broke my heart so now my army brothers are going to break your FACE. You disgust me, you unwanted pimple on the face of humanity." -Bethany

"You are the most controlling, neat freak ever!! I just pray that the next idiot who thinks you're hot or whatever is smart enough to get out of there before you show your true colors!" -Ashton

"Why would you smooch and climb all over other girls when you have ME?" -Kaytlin

"P.S. I want my jacket back! P.P.S. WASH IT FIRST!!" -Colten

"Dear Allen, I liked you way more before I knew you. I know I'm being rude, but us? It's just not right. And by US, I mean, YOU." - Shelbi

"Dear Harry Potter, I am writing this letter to tell you how SICK I am of hearing about how great you are. Who cares if you can fly on a broom or do tricks with your fancy wand? I know I sure don't! You're like the itch I just can't scratch." -Jessica

"You are so backstabbing. And you copy me on everything! When I like the color purple, you like it. When I love pants, you love pants. Sorry, but I'm just so disgusted." -Shelby

[To Ferb from Disney's "Phineas and Ferb"] "Dear Ferb, Whenever you asked me out, I only agreed because I felt bad for you with your huge eyes and green hair. But now, I don't think I can stand for my name to be associated with yours. We never did anything together because you were ALWAYS playing with your brother... Guys who wear purple pants up to their belly buttons have something wrong in their brain. I'm sure you understand." -Madison

"You smell like a million dying wet dogs. You're so ugly, you could kill someone by looking at them. Your teeth are so crooked, you could open bottles with them. You can't shut up for five seconds and your voice is like an old man's. P.S. SHAVE YOUR LEGS." -J

Award-Winning Finalist In National "Best Books of 2009" Awards!

So I am very excited to announce (if you haven't already seen it on my website, Facebook, Twitter, or MySpace) that my first novel Phantom Island: Wind came in as a Finalist in TWO categories of the National "Best Books of 2009" Awards. It came in under "Fiction & Literature: Young Adult" and "Fiction & Literature: Cross-Genre"... very cool! This is a huge accomplishment - being a finalist out of so many is quite an honor!

You can see the listings of the winners and finalists in each category here: Best Books of 2009 Awards

Thank you for your constant support and the continued interest in this journey! I feel like each of you is a part of the adventure with me!

Middle School Mental Pictures

I confess that my classes of middle school students make my days enjoyable and challenging all at the same time. When I think about my time as a teacher coming to a close (as it very well could after this year...?), I grow apprehensive and sad. After all, my reasons for writing YA novels, as well as my writing itself, is so inspired by my interactions with my students. I keep wanting to take "mental pictures" of every moment in here (like Jim and Pam on The Office Wedding) so I can save up a huge mental album of memories.

For example, as I'm writing this, there are several funny things happening... I gave my students a writing assignment - determining that when I make them write, I will also make myself write - and the assignment goes with our Author Tone study. I thought they'd really get into this prompt:

"You are writing a break-up letter to your soon-to-be ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Use the same reasons for breaking up with him/her in both letters, but change your diction to show two opposite tones."

So, now I'm sitting back and taking mental pictures of my room... like, I just took one of the boy balancing a book on his head as he writes. And then there's one boy giggling over the fact that he addressed his "break-up letter" to Michael Jackson. (I'm about to make him change it, but I'll let him enjoy his mirth for a moment longer.) One girl shoots dirty looks across the room at the boy giggling to make sure he's not laughing at her. Another girl recognizes "Clair De Lune" playing on my iPod, which causes another student to utter distaste for the movie, Twilight. A couple of other students have now propped up binders and folders around their work so nobody else can see their TOP SECRET letters. One boy is living out his fantasy of breaking Britney Spears' heart. Another is finished early and stretched out on the bean bag reading his library book. I have one boy leaning back in his chair, and I'm contemplating either pulling him all the way back and watching him land hard on the floor in front of his peers... or taking away his chair privileges for the day and making him sit on the floor. Hmmm... the former would be more fun for me...

Middle school is just one big, quirky experience and I love it. I can't imagine not having this kind of insane and unpredicatable routine (intentional oxymoron) in my world every day. There are certain jokes I can make, certain silly things I can do in a middle school that I can't do anywhere else. Here are some of my favorite experiences from this week...

1. When Savannah and I saw each other in the hall this morning, we both shouted dramatically "BALLOOOOOOON BOYYYY!!!" at the same time. (This was after watching the footage on my Smart Board after school yesterday and then texting about it last night.)

2. Madison was walking down the hall to PAL class and I heard her say to her friends, "Wait, I think I'm forgetting something." "YOUR BRAIN." I called out. She looked around, trying to figure out who said it and her friends pointed to me. "Oh, it is so ON, Mrs. Dallas!" She yelled back before entering her classroom down the hall.

3. I was trying to explain how the word "intimidate" had a different connotation than saying "threatened" or "scared the pee out of" (which made the kids laugh). Then I confessed that my mom used to tell me in middle school that I didn't have a boyfriend because I intimidated the boys with my intelligence. (Ha!) Chloe said, "So you scared the pee out of them, huh, Mrs. Dallas?"

4. We're kicking off our recycling program and we are doing Weekly Wednesday Dumps where teachers send a dump delegate after the announcements to walk across the street with their paper recycling. So, yes, over the entire school's PA system, I announced, "It's ti-i-ime to take a DUMP!"

5. Only in middle school can your Student Council select a t-shirt design with the slogan, "We're Tight Like Spandex." And then your National Junior Honor Society members agree unanimously on having a PINK shirt this year. Yes, all the boys campaigned for pink...

6. We have a Smart Word of the week - every week - and this week, it is "finagle." And the kids keep trying to finagle their way into winning the Smart Word contest for which class used the word the most in discussion this week. Those little finagling fanatics...

7. I read a book written from a nerdy middle school boy's point of view (Word Nerd by Susin Nielsen) and, while reading it to myself during the students' silent read time, I would laugh out loud or get really embarassed. When asked about why, I just told the students, "I don't think I need to know any more about how middle school boys think... icky." Now that I have finished the book, most of my boys have put a hold on it in the library and are currently sharing with each other the parts that must have grossed me out as it passes around my room... But, hey, at least they're reading??? Gah. They have assured me that they DO NOT think like that... but, yeah right.

Snap, snap, snap... so many mental pictures to take around here. I know I could keep going with these stories, but this entry has gotten long enough. I so enjoy my life - as crazy, as busy, as unpredictable as it is... I'm in this adventure for as long as it lasts.

To My Favorite Sunglasses - A Farewell

Dear Favorite Pair of Sunglasses,

When I first lay eyes on you that one fateful post-Christmas December shopping spree at a kiosk in the mall down in San Antonio, Texas, I knew our story would be one for the history books. Prior to your existence, I had never owned a pair of sunglasses that were both hugely oversized for my face and sported a bright white frame. But, oh how fate knew that I would need you for these last nine months!

Not only did you shield me from many makeup-less days and protect my expressions when I didn't want someone to know I was staring, but you also joined me on many adventures. You were there in my first photo shoot as an author. You went on school field trips, long commutes, a mission trip to Argentina, author appearances in over nine different cities, camp with over 100 teenagers, Schlitterbahn visits. You survived the dark recesses of my purse (suffering some battle scars from gross neglect, I know - for that, I am sorry). You had the power to make me feel like a superstar - or at least a local celebrity hiding behind oversized glasses - or at least a wannabe something important. You brought me compliments from many teenagers and friends and you never asked for anything in return. You were there to hide my tears, my fears, and my insecurities - not to mention blocking out a sun so bright at times that I could barely see the road.

Deep down I have always known that our time together would be short. Maybe because I only paid five dollars for you or maybe because I have a high turn-over rate of cheap sunglasses. Either way, you were worth every penny I spent and then some. If I could go back and do it all again, I wouldn't trade one memory spent with you. I'd like to think you were in a better place, but I know that my kitchen trash can is pretty stinky and gross. Therefore, I will choose to remember my favorite place for you - on my face.

Love,

Krissi

RIP Favorite Sunglasses - December 26, 2008 - September 16, 2009

What Was Your "Entry" Book?

I confess that the first book I remember was The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. I don't just remember it because my Nanny Fugate read it to me ALL the time, or because of the bright-green cover that stood out on my bookshelf. And it most certainly was not the pictures that endeared the book to my mind - they were simple black and white drawings, nothing that would stick for long in a child's memory. No, I remember this book because it grabbed my heart and never let go. It made me feel something. It made me think of a life other than my own. I remember it because a simple tree taught me that a life of sacrifice on behalf of others could actually be a satisfying life. I still read this book to my middle schoolers - and cry every time.

I could take all kinds of spiritual and deep meaning from The Giving Tree, but that is not really my purpose in this entry. What I really wanted to write about was how books can impact our lives in such powerful ways - I have never been the kind of person who struggled with a desire to read. I have always enjoyed the magical way the written word can jump off a page and create incredible images within my own mind... the crazy connection I can have with fictional characters that become like real people to me. A natural love for reading in my life ultimately led to a natural love of writing. I soon wanted to be the creator, the initiator, for other people's imaginations to run wild. I started writing full-length novels in fifth grade and scribbled my way through the teenage years. I led a busy, active life both outwardly AND inwardly. Because when I wasn't onstage or traveling or leading in some way, I was writing and spinning stories about people I wanted to meet and places I wanted to go. I won't bore you with details of those stories (although my girlfriends could probably tell you a thing or two about them). You never know what I might pick up later and recreate now as an adult...

I think that everyone has an "entry" book into the world of reading. And I believe I have had different "entry" books that have inspired me at different times in my life. I do remember The Babysitter's Club books

and always enjoyed the characterization of each girl and their unique experiences as they grew up. I faithfully read every Trixie Belden book, as well as Nancy Drew books - largely because they featured strong, lovable female characters who were always trying to impact the world in a positive way. And I do have a thing for mystery... always trying to challenge myself to figure it out before the character!

After I graduated college, I almost forgot how to read for fun and imagination. I certainly didn't enjoy writing as much anymore, and it wasn't until I became a teacher that I started picking up books to read for fun again. That was when I read Twilight, which ultimately ended up becoming an "entry" book for me once again into the YA fiction world - as an adult. When I found myself cooing over a 100-year-old teenage vampire, I knew I wanted to start reading again just for the enjoyment. I now only shop in the teenage section of the bookstore and enjoy reading when I find spare time in my life. Love for reading, of course, led me to write my own novel.

Now the really crazy thing is that I feel as if I've come full-circle in some ways... I haven't been on my blog much this summer because I've been actively writing the sequel to Phantom Island: Wind, and I'm sorry, with writing being my full-time job in the summer, keeping up with a blog just didn't appeal. :) So I've gotten to take a break from the first part of my book tour and watch Phantom start to spread on its own. One of the people (who heard about Phantom through posts on Facebook) was an old friend from OBU, Lori. She was my "labbie" friend - meaning, we both worked in the computer lab together. Lori and I immediately hit it off in our new job - she had a sweet vivacity for life and I eventually looked forward to spending time with her (even though she was a year or so younger than me.) Lori is a self-proclaimed non-reader and has always confessed that she does not read for enjoyment. But she has now found her "entry" book into the world of YA fiction and... well, I'll let you read her words exactly. Everyone has an "entry" book and maybe you haven't found yours yet. But it's out there... pick up a book and read!!

Read Lori's blog post about Phantom Island below:

LORI READ A BOOK!

Camp Fusion 2009

I confess that Camp Fusion is one of my favorite events that we do every year in Fusion Student Ministries (thus, the reason I named my camp in Phantom Island after it). I love going in every year wondering whose life will change (and how) by the time its over?? Because it is a guarantee that when we get away from the pressures and stress of our everyday lives and completely focus on God, we become more sensitive to His spirit moving within us. We start to yearn for a Savior, for a Deliverer, for a Daddy. We become aware of the gap between our everyday lives and the intimacy of a real relationship with Jesus.

This year was no exception and while it was not quite as "heavy" and draining as last year's camp, it was still powerful. I walked away feeling renewed and excited about the future. We had twelve teenagers ask Jesus into their heart for the first time - three of which I got to personally lead through that decision. We had numerous other decisions made -- to change some lifestyle habits or attitudes. Our camp theme was EVEN IF... meaning "I will follow Christ, even if...." and then each person was challenged to complete that sentence for themselves. So many times we think of following Christ and pursuing our own faith as "I'll follow, Jesus, IF you don't ask me to go to another country ... or IF you make sure I'm not poor ... or IF my family/boyfriend/friends are okay with it..."  That is SUCH the wrong attitude for a truly growing and meaningful relationship with Christ. We should be saying, "Jesus, I follow you EVEN IF I am going to be poor... EVEN IF I am rejected by family and friends... EVEN IF it means leaving my comfort zone and moving where you want me to be."

I'm not sure when we all got the idea that being a Christian should be a comfortable, unchallenging, cruise-control kind of thing. I have never been more tempted in my life than as an adult to just "settle in" and get comfortable. Isn't that what young people are always told? "Oh, someday, you'll settle down with a family and get your white picket fence and then retire with tons of money..." Wow, that is so not the life I'm seeking to live. And it's certainly not the life Jesus lived. But I'm sure my adult readers can testify to the temptation out there to settle like that. I'm not saying that buckling down and keeping a long-term commitment to a people and a place is wrong. DEFINITELY not. I'm also not saying we should be flighty with our faith or with the God-initiated commitments we make. It often takes MORE work and patience to stay in the same place for awhile and endure the difficult times. But I'm simply saying we shouldn't say, "I'll follow you, Jesus, IF I can live comfortably at the same time." We should always be ready to pick up and go if God says go...

Anyway... the message of not putting conditions on our faith is really what we wanted our students to understand this year and to adopt into their own lives. We took 85 students and a wonderfully flexible and loving handful of adults to Camp Fusion this year. And I've decided to list out my personally favorite parts of the week...

1. Tuesday night, I got to sit in on Camron and Jamie's Red Family Group. Lucas had an "accident" all over Jamie so I stepped in as a female adult leader while she took care of it. Man, was I blown away by how God would use that group that night! It started with Hayley, who admitted to just not being sure what would happen to her when she died and her outspoken questioning about if she had ever accepted Jesus into her heart. (I was shocked - never saw that coming from HER.) So, I don't know what happened but the Holy Spirit just prompted me to share the Bridge Illustration with the entire group (and I involved several of the kids who knew the illustration well). When I finished, I asked if anyone else wanted to make that decision now that they understood completely what Jesus was all about. Almost immediately Briana's hand went up and and we were like, "Okay...!" and I asked one more time and suddenly Sydnee's hand came up to my right (one of my students from Springtown). So we put the three girls in the center of the group and we gathered around them and they prayed right there out loud in front of everyone. It was so clearly not just an emotional decision - these girls listened and understood what they were doing and made a conscious and real choice to follow Jesus. (Afterwards, there were certainly tears involved.) It was a beautiful moment for me personally - I was elated.

2. I have to say that I just adore time spent with my girls. I love cabin time and hanging out and just being "girls." Every night, I had all these fashion-conscious little sisters who would help accessorize my outfits or fix my hair or tell me how great I looked. I loved ALL the girls in my cabin - every night we would fall asleep to my "Sleepy Playlist" - a combination of classical pieces that soothe and relax a cabin full of girls. I'm telling you -- it was like a magic sleeping pill! And every morning I woke them up with "Revelation Song" - nothing like waking up early to beautiful worship music instead of a screeching voice of "GIRLS!! GET UP!!! YOU'RE LATE!!" But I really loved how each evening, we would all sit on the floor in a circle by my bed and pool our "banned" snacks together and munch and laugh and talk about stupid stuff. I also walked around each night that I could and said individual goodnights to each girl in their bed (yes, even tucking some in at their request- ha!) and telling them how much I loved them all. I love being a girl - especially when I heard that the middle school boys went to bed every night thinking up new synonyms for "puke" or "fart." Ahhh, I'll take my Sleepy Playlist and gab sessions over that. Haha.

3. Thursday, I decided to do the zip line with some of my campers - and I ended up getting to spend some time with the younger kids - the new 7th graders that will be moving into our youth group this summer. They have such a sweetness about them and we definitely all shared a love for adventure and thrills! I have to admit that there are few things out there that I'm afraid to do. But when I got up that ladder and realized I would have to CLIMB THE TREE the rest of the way, I was a little nervous. I mean, fat girl climbing a tree is not always a pretty picture and the fact that I had worn shoes with NO traction created the perfect storm for a disaster. I remember looking down at my little middle school kids going, "I'm not sure I can do this!!" (And kind of manically laughing about it.) Yet, there was nowhere to go but UP. The thought of trying to get back down was even more terrifying. But the kids were so encouraging - "Keep going, Krissi!! You can do it - it's not as hard as it seems!" With their chants in my head, and the flash of the camera going off (which made wonderful photos later of my rear end) I made it up the tree! Zipping down was easy compared to the climb. And I was pouring sweat, but it was exhilarating. 

4. Thursday night after the service, we gave everyone the opportunity to stand up and share out loud their EVEN IF statements... this was something the kids were not prepped on ahead of time and it was not required of them to share. But, oh my gosh, some of the most sincere and bold statements came out of their mouths and it was SO touching. While they shared, I began recording their initials in blacklight pens on our EVEN IF banner so we can light it up later and see all the names and remember the commitments made. There is no way to adequately describe what was said that night - but students and adults alike shared and I will always treasure that memory. My EVEN IF statement went like this... "I will follow Christ EVEN IF my book bombs AND EVEN IF it does well. No matter the success or failure or pressure, I choose to follow Christ."

EVEN IF...